Why Knights Go QuestingLyrics by Guy Hepworth & Diane Watson
Melody by Guy Hepworth
In days of yore, when Knights would bore
Young wives with battle yarns.
Of armour plate and rusty gait
And hope to win their charms
Now Maidens I have loved and lost
Albeit from afar.
You see an armour shell does not go well
With passion, La-de da.
One night I slept, a maiden crept,
Into my chamber late.
She led me to a sheltered vale,
All in my armour plate.
I stroked her breast, I stroked her thigh
I kissed her everywhere!
She gave a gasp! She gave a sigh,
And tossed – her golden hair!
She leaned across and whispered low,
“Take me now, I’m yours”
And in the cool and sheltered vale,
There she dropped her drawers!
Clanking and creaking, I leaned over her
I tasted her lips; I stroked her hair.
Our bodies moved to a powerful beat,
Nothing could stop us, the rhythm and heat
We were thrusting and turning and throbbing and burning.
We were doin’ it, doin’ it tonight
Thrusting and turning and throbbing and burning
And rivets were popping. Good grief!
Alas it was a lusty dream;
For in real life, my dearest wife
Is armoured up, like me!
The reason now you’ve all been told
Why questing knights are chaste.
Frustrated loins cannot be freed
From armour plate in haste!