The Golden Apple

The Tale Of Captain Big Finger

Lyrics by Guy Hepworth and Michael Crook
Melody by Guy Hepworth

ARE YOU LOOKIN’ AT MY FINGER !

There once was a pirate captain
Whose gaze it was best not let linger
It wasn’t his hair that caused you to stare
It was the size of his whopping great finger

CHORUS
Singing heave to me lassies
The seas are riding high
Beware of Captain Big Finger
Or he’ll poke you in the eye

This man was not brave or heroic
At the mere sight of blood he would fidget.
But no one alive could laugh and survive
Cos he’d thrash ‘em to death with his digit

CHORUS

His ship would cut through the waves
The figurehead proud as it lay
At the front of the ship, from knuckle to tip
A huge finger was pointing the way

CHORUS

Now you’ve all heard of young Bobby Shaftoe
And the brightness of his silver buckle.
Though the captain dressed well, he was proud you could tell,
Of polishing his big purple knuckle!

CHORUS

The Captain he had a big finger
The Captain’s big finger was big
Ooh finger finger, fingery finger
The Captain’s big finger was big

CHORUS

Ed Teach was known as Black Beard
And thingamajig he had a stump
Our Captain was named for his finger of fame
And not for his limp or his hump

CHORUS

Some pirates have big woolly beards
Some black and some yellow, some red.
Our Captain’s no beard and that isn’t weird
But mention his finger – you’re dead!

CHORUS

Now you’ve all heard the tale of Bigfinger
In the telling the story was tall
The ladies would say, “His finger’s okay,
But his willie’s exceedingly small”

CHORUS x2