The Golden Apple

Steal the Moon (M'loon Capture Plan)

Lyrics & melody by Guy Hepworth

I overheard one moonlit night some plotting drunken pirates
A plan they had so bloody daft that I could scarce believe
They really thought the moon was made of polished shiny silver
They planned to steal it right away and live a life of ease!

Moon wax, shine all night
I’ll have your silver in me pocket before the mornin’ light X2

They planned to build a ladder and hoist it to the skywards
Then Davey realised the moon would be at apogee
So Pum suggested they should make a fake moon out of rubbish
To lure the real one lower, with this they all agreed!


The Drunkest pirate heard the moon was made of all things cheesy
And lived within there was a man who wasn’t very nice
The Bosun said he’d fetch a stick from out within the rigging
And fix upon the end a load of scary mice (In case of cheese)


Now everyone has heard of how the moon is full of wisdom
“But I’ve a way around that”, said the Captain with a smile
We’ll shoot a fox up moonward from an off-map cannon
To confusticate it meantime with all it’s cunning wiles


They placed a bottle of Bootlegger rum high atop the ladder
And when the moon was full of booze they’d start a drunken fight
And while it’s busy brawling with the fake moon made of rubbish
They’ll scoop it up into a sack and steal away it’s light


They talked more nonsense like this while they passed the rum among ‘em
Making more ridiculous and convoluted schemes
Like drawing eyebrows on the moon or swapping it for a balloon
I left them as the sun rose, snoring in their dreams