The Golden Apple

A Wizard’s Staff

Lyrics by Guy Hepworth, Chris Kennish, Diane Watson & Michael Crook. Melody by Guy Hepworth, Chris Kennish & Michael Crook
Inspired by the works of Terry Pratchett

Now wizards are odd one and all
Some are short and some are tall
But they have one thing in common please don’t laugh
They all have a knob on the end of their staff

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A wizard’s staff has a knob on the end
Hidi heydi hidi ho
It’s big it’s bright it throbs and glows,
Hidi heydi hidi ho

I once knew a wizard whose staff had no knob.
He was only young just new to the job
He was so upset so unlike the rest,
He wanted to be simply the best

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His spells went flop, they just didn’t work,
He felt a complete and utter burke
Because he was lacking that magical backing
A knob on the end of his staff sing

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Have no fear gentles all
My tale ends well even though it is tall
For low as he slept over late one aft
The knob fairies came put a knob on his staff

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But what of Morgana and the witches of lore,
These female wizards we cannot ignore
Their staffs must have knobs there’s surely no doubt,
That’s for them to know and for us to find out

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Well I once knew a celt fearless and bold,
He met a great wizard crinkled and old
He laughed at this wizard and jeered at his staff
And the knob of the staff ended up up his

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Well Gandalf had one and Merlin did too,
But I once knew a wizard whose staff did have two
His staff had two knobs one at each end,
One for him and one for a friend

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I once asked a wizard why did his knob glow
The reason for which I never did know
He told me then as I now tell you all
A knob with no glow’s worse than no knob at all

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So nobles all here ends our tale
That some had thought was doomed to fail
Some of you may jeer and some of you may laugh
But every mage needs a knob on his staff. SING

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